Awakening

Yan Shen Drabek

July 20, 2025

On Sunday, July 20, 2025, I had a rough game with Tim, my bridge mentor since May 9, 2019. After the game, his first words to me were, “I wanted to quit after the first round. I want to stop right there... Oh boy.”

Tim’s comment really struck me. I have tried hard to improve. I see playing with him as the most important event each week. I do everything I can to prepare for it—taking a nap beforehand and eating early so the food doesn’t interfere with my thinking. I read nothing but bridge books. Every game with him feels like taking a national college entrance exam.

All I wanted was his approval, and now that seems to have crumbled. I felt like a disappointment to him. It left me wondering: Why do I continue?

I find myself so tense and nervous when playing with him, constantly afraid of making mistakes and lacking trust in my abilities. I realize now that I may never become what he wants me to be.

Since that game, I haven’t played with him. There have been several days I could have played, but I chose not to. I will be traveling this month and won’t be back until August 28. I need time to cool down and think.

This Sunday, I will see him at the Great Barrington sectional game. If I get a chance, I should talk to him. The thought of losing Tim makes me want to cry, but sometimes his comments feel harsh and leave me feeling discouraged. I want to tell him that if my poor play makes him upset, that was never my intention. I would be okay with stopping to play with him.

My friend Ellyn Bloomfield advised me to seek advice about “realistic expectations.” I have to accept the fact that I may never be as good as Tim wished for.

UPDATE

Tim didn’t come to the Great Barrington Sectional on Sunday because his teammates were sick, so his whole team couldn't play.

On Saturday, Barry and I won the Pairs game, beating Philippe and Roger, the two best players in the field. For the team game on Sunday, Barry and I teamed up with Motoko and John D., and we finished in third place. We earned a total of 15.21 silver points for the weekend. I felt a new sense of freedom—no fear, and I could see clearly what was happening at the table. I realized that I could just play. Play without fear. Play without doubting myself. With that mindset, good things started to happen!

UPDATE

I talked to Tim today. 8/11 Monday, before I depart tomorrow for Amsterdam.

He said, “If I don’t enjoy playing with you, I wouldn’t be playing. Don’t take it too seriously.”

 

UPDATE

After 9 weeks absent, I returned to play with Tim on September 6.

On 2025 October 10, after the game, Tim said to me, “It’s time to turn you into a partner, rather than a student. You have improved a lot, and I don’t yell at you all the time anymore.”

On 2025 November 7, Tim said to me, “You are definitely playing better. You are seeing things you were not seeing previously. And right at this very moment, I am playing pretty badly. I am sort of encouraged. Believe me, you are playing much better. Even in the last six months, you have improved considerably.”

On 2025 November 8, Saturday, we played another BAND game.

This BAND game has these strata:

MP Limits: None/7638/3474. Tim and I were in strata C! We finished first in C. 🙂 

The field had many “Expert” players and several world champions. So we were at the lowest strata! It is amazing because Tim is a Diamond Life Master with 5323+ masterpoints. After the game, Tim said there was only one error that he wanted to point out. He opened the bidding, and the next person interfered. I had 4 HCP but a singleton in the opponent’s suit; I did a negative double. Tim went to 3N and made it. My singleton Jack won the first trick. He said I should not have done the double because my hand was too weak.

For the first time, he didn’t go through every board we played.