Killing Me Softly

Yan Shen Drabek

October 5, 2020

Since elementary school, I was always among the best students in class. I always thought I was smart, okay - not at the genies level but way above average. Later, at every company I worked for, I was always praised, raised through ranks, and appreciated.

Until I met the game of BRIDGE.

I read books, watch videos, do exercises, and go to lessons. At the beginning, I heard a couple old timers say, “this one’s got it”. The first ever duplicate game I played was at a National after attending Audrey Grant’s lecture. We played 14 boards and I got a 63% or something and received my first master point! I thought, okay, this was fun. I expected no less. After all, I am used to success.

As time goes by, fun started to disappear. BRIDGE is like a brick and it is hitting me on the head again and again.

Sometimes, I did great. But more times, I feel stupid, and that is not a feeling I am used to.

Why do I do things that I knew I should not do? One partner joked that an evil string was attached to my hand making me reaching to the bidding box when I should not.

I read more books, watch more videos, and do more exercises. The results are still inconsistent and often disappointing. My partners never blame me. I blame myself. It is the disappointment of my own lack of concentration and clear thinking that is killing me.

My bridge club finally assigned its toughest expert to be my mentor. Yes I asked for it. A retired marine, he is known to have high temper, high standard, and high intolerance for mistakes. Yes he yelled at me at the beginning. At the same time I was amazed how much trust he put into my hands. If I make a bid, he would interpret it as it truly meant it and never second guessing me. This level of trust shocked me. Up to that point, playing with people at my level, we often second guessing and never seemed to trust each other completely. After games he would spend time explaining what I did wrong, accompanied with phrases like “Your defense socks!”, “Your declarer play is your weakest area. Go read a book!”, “You have a hard time visualizing things.”, “…oh boy! We’ve got a long way to go!”

The proud and successful princess is now nothing, in front of BRIDGE! Four years in college I got an Engineering degree. Four years in BRIDGE? I just begin to understand the beginning.

Well, things started to click after I begin playing with my mentor and some excellent players regularly. It is priceless to have opportunities to watch them play. I am learning and I am improving - however slowly. But still, I am often frustrated with myself! I keep making obvious mistakes by doing things I knew I should not do, or not doing the good things at the right time.

The disappointment of myself is killing me!

(posted on https://bridgewinners.com/forums/read/intermediate-forum/killing-me-softly/ and you may read people's comments there.)